recovery

I'm 3 1/2 months postpartum. Yeah, that means I have a 3 1/2 month old kid (who is both incredibly adorable and unspeakably frustrating) but it also means I'm still kinda messed up.

Occasionally I feel like I have super PMS. My hair is falling out (which is actually kind of a relief, it means I'm not pregnant).  I have mood swings that are completely unconnected to reality- today I feel grouchy and anxious FOR NO REASON.  I'm tired and have a headache, but that's just because having an infant equals sleep deprivation.  That's how it works.

Especially when you also have a toddler who is congentially incapable of sleeping through the night by himself.  Who is also plagued with nightmares.  And molars.

It's so annoying, to feel this tight anxious feeling under my breastbone and know it's utter nonsense, but be unable to banish it. 

Also, my brain can't decide on a body image.  For a few days I'll feel fine, not care about my pant size one little bit- and then I become completely neurotic and go back to eating only because I'll get sick if I don't, because my daughter eats what I eat in the most literal way possible, and wishing all the baby fat would just vanish.  I hit a weight-loss plataeu (hovering around 183) and it's pissing me off, but I can't seem to find time or energy to work out.  Argh!

So. Hormones? Totally obnoxious.  They're just another aspect of wanting my normal body back, as in- no more crazies.  At least, no more hormone-induced crazies, which is sadly a distinction I have to make because, DUH, I'm me. I'm nuts.

Why does the physical process of having kids have to kick our butts so much?