since when did this become such a big issue for people?

I love my husband. That being said, he can be supremely frustrating at times.

When I had my son, I had an epidural. My contractions had very quickly progressed to being right on top of each other, and it freaked me out, so I essentially demanded an epidural RIGHT NOW. I spent the rest of the day being Zombie Jessie, feeling ill because the epidural made my already chronically low blood pressure drop, and being unable to move from the waist down. It was unpleasant, and when I have this next baby I'm going to do everything I can to manage my pain sans medication.

My husband, however, is very much in favor of just getting another epidural. He saw me have a hard time managing my pain, and he doesn't want to be put in the position of spending a whole day watching me be in labor pain. Every time it gets brought up I end up irritated at him because I sincerely feel like he's not listening/not understanding where I'm coming from.

With my son, I just kind of blindly trusted in my body's ability to do its job and did no labor preparation whatsoever aside from packing a hospital bag. This time, I've really wanted to take a class, but the ones I wanted I've been unable to attend for various reasons. Therefore, I've been doing a lot of reading and spending some time each day doing little made up relaxation/meditation exercises. I know for a fact it helps to manage pain, because last night I gave myself the mother of all backaches vacuuming the house and doing the little relaxation thingie really helped.

I just feel really unsupported in all this, which is honestly quite hurtful. I should be able to discuss this with my husband, of all people, and not get grief about it. I can go to my mom, but she's not my spouse; also, my mom tends to be kind of a hippie and I don't want her trying to convince me I need to be drinking raspberry leaf tea for the next two months. Knowing our relationship, I'd do it at least once just to shut her up, and even that I don't want to do. That stuff can cause miscarriages if used improperly, so no thanks Mom.

There's also no way I'm going to my mother-in-law, because that's just weird, and while I like her just fine I don't feel like we have that kind of a relationship. She's attending the birth because it'll make Ben feel better, period.

After the overpopulated craziness that was my son's birth, part of me is tempted to kick out everyone except Ben and necessary medical personnel. I won't, cuz that's mean, but if this birth is as nuts as the last one you can bet I'll put in a people freeze whenever we have another kid. Giving birth is not something intended for wide audiences.

This is more of a rant than I had intended, but these are all things floating around in my head that need to be expressed, which I don't want my high school friends reading because it's weird. Thus this blog. Granted, up til now the only one reading it is me, but whatever.

Meanwhile, life moves on...